Only If It's For You
by Neko.Writer
Summary: What was the difference between being a shinigami and a hollow? Simple, turning into what he hated the most would save her life...but how long could he stand being the enemy? What lengths will she go to to stay by his side? -ichiruki-
1. The Killing Blow

**Only If It's For You**

_**By: NekoWriter**_

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"_When I see your smile, Tears run down my face I can't replace, And now that I'm strong I have figured out, How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul, And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one" -Red jumpsuit Apparatus (Your Guardian Angel)_

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**Summary: **If it was for anyone, but her odds are he'd be on the ground, held down by the heaviness of his own body. The blood lining his limbs would have slowly dripped to the ground creating a pool of crimson liquid and the black unknown would have consumed him already…The thing in the matter though was that it wasn't anyone else…it was without doubt for her…and that's why his resolve to fight for her life would not waver.

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**Dedicated to: HollowZangetsu (who has stalled my writing a lot), zacky, sharshar, ichimaru64, and shirosaki! (But mainly Hollow who actually encouraged the story) They all bugged me to no end while I attempted to write, but I still love them all.**

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…_I…can't…move…Fuck…_

I grinned at myself. Somewhere deep down inside I already knew that this was how it was supposed to end. After all, a guy could only be lucky for so long…Still my mind couldn't grasp the concept of 'the end'. It had matured around death, experienced it, lived it, but it was an entirely different matter when this time it was permanent.

My disheveled body laid expectantly on the hard dirt covered terrain. The protests my mind gave became just a whisper as the black that flawlessly merged with my vision edged its way towards the nucleus of my pupils. With all the strength I seemed to have left I rolled onto my back staring at the bizarre sight that I grew to know as the skies of Hueco Mundo.

My will to live seemed to fade where as my reason to survive seemed distant. I couldn't pin point the memory or place or person that made me all that I could be and more. Without that, my mind had no way to persuade me to stay conscious. My mind ran through random memories in hopes of finding that one single thought that would make me hold on just a bit longer. It was of no use, the quick flashes of movie that seemed to be playing in front of my open eyes, its screen being the red sky I had grown so accustomed to, did nothing to spark my interest.

It started with my old man flying at me from an inhuman angle through a window. Then it moved on to my sisters, Yuzu and Karin both as little babies waddling around in diapers. Uyruu, Chad, Orihime, Tatsuki…everyone had there share of memory, but it was all to no avail. A distant memory of mom lingered a little longer than the rest, but it was of no use. Someone who was gone already for sure couldn't revive my will to live. It seemed like my brain was running out of options…it scrambled for more recent memories rather than the old ones it dug out.

Next came soul society, my first visit, fighting Renji, befriending him. That as well was useless, who'd want to live for that baboon anyways. Ikkaku, Kenpachi, Matsumoto, Urahara, Yoruichi, Ganju, hanataro, even Byakuya. Nothing… absolutely nothing seemed important enough.

I finally understood why your life flashes across your eyes before you die. It wasn't in nostalgia ,but in hope that something or someone you had done or known was important enough to make you want to fight the inevitable; to keep on living in order to once again repeat the good times you had once had.

_What a joke…my mind is pathetic, it can't even find one memory to keep myself attached to this world._

On the inside I was laughing, slowly losing my saneness as I could feel my world starting to crumble. Instead of the normal blue interior everything was doused in the deepest shade of black; the grey walls adding to the dreary setting. All I could do was stand in my own inner world helplessly as shred by shred all that I ever knew deteriorated into a sea of abyss. The black platform I was on held sturdy as everything around it dissembled itself. The laugh of insanity had slowly faded to a shocked expression of disbelief. I was really going to die.

'Zangetsu…can you still hear me?' I spoke evenly staring at my clenched fist. In mere seconds the old man himself appeared out of thin air; a hand lightly clenched to my shoulder.

'I am here as long as you are.' His voice held no sign of fear or distraught. It was as if he was ready to teach me his final lesson he had to give.

'it seems like this is it.' I said as calmly as one could while in the midst of nothingness.

'have you truly given up, Ichigo?' The disappointment was apparent as the fist on my shoulder squeezed tightly for a fraction of a second.

'Like hell would I give up! If I had a choice I'd-' My fuming words were stalled by Zangetsu's always inspiring ones.

'Find the will to go on. Find your resolve once more to live. It is not an impossible task I ask of you.' For a moment I actually believed in his words, but fate did me in once more. The ledge collapsed from under me as I flew downwards, falling closer and closer to the end.

The fall to nothingness took longer than expected. Did my mind procrastinate this to the point where something that should have taken seconds really seemed like hours? Or did it really take this long to reach the bottom?

'Just end it already.' I shouted annoyed. It really wasn't like me to give up, but winning against death, well it was impossible.

'Are you really that eager to die?' a malice coated voice echoed from the darkness besides me. Without having to look I knew what was haunting me in my final minutes of consciousness.

'You're the last thing I want to see 'now'.' I scowled open my eyes to nothingness.

'Yeah, well this 'thing' is trying to save our ass.' it mumbled as the wind from the fall still loitered around my being, almost to the point where it seemed as if I was being cradled.

'Your just pissed because if I'm gone, so are you.' My eyes slid closed in utter defeat. Everything that was my life faded to black. My memories evaporated along with everything else that I seemed to cherish. I was ready for the end…well as much as I could be ready.

'Did you forget about queen?' My hollow rapidly stated more frantic than before.

'What are you going on about?' I sighed all too happy to once and for all get rid of his nagging voice.

'that Rukia girl…' At first I couldn't quite grasp the concept of something or anything being important. All my memories were distant, yet this name brought them all back in an instant.

"Rukia!" I half shouted remembering everything. When my eyelids flew open I was back in Hueco Mundo. My body still was as useless as it had previously been, but my reiatsu was quickly fixing that problem. I had found it; my reason…it was to protect her.

Everything was still a blur; past and present occurrences floated through my brain in a procession. The usual where, what, who, when, why, and how questions answered themselves as the memories I had lost became clear; the desolate plain that stretched out before me gave all I needed to know. I was alone, which meant not only did I lose, but the person I longed to protect was gone.

_This can't mean she's dead can it? No, I can still feel her but still-_

My mind became a jumbled mess loitered with many unanswerable questions. We were both here, fighting side by side…much to my disapproval. I had told her to stay back and to not get involved, but what did she do? At the first sight of alienated blood she jumped in.

_She couldn't have ran when she had the chance!?_

A grin grew from my own thought. Rukia wasn't the type of person to run simply because a situation looked grim. In fact that's one of her redeeming qualities. It was a rarity to find someone who would care about preserving a life over their own.

The flow of my reiatsu had stopped the massive bleeding, but my body was too damaged to repair itself. I was at a loss. The fact that I could potentially still die did linger around for a while, but after twenty minutes of self healing it was clear that death wasn't an issue. My problem was moving…How was I going to save Rukia if I couldn't even stand?

My thought process lead me into a deep state of frustration. Was there any way to resolve my problem? I had taken a quick survey of my injuries trying to figure out what type of pain I would have to put up with. Too bad I was horrible at determining which bones were broken and which were only fractured.

All together I had come up with, well a lot of casualties. My legs seemed somewhat in tact, not considering the minor cuts and bruises that had been accumulated, so walking was the least of my worries. It was the same with my arms, they were crusted over in dry blood, but again nothing too horrible. There was however a deep zanpactou made cut along my right shoulder blade which extended downwards at least half my arm. My stomach seemed to have gotten the brunt of the injuries, which one would only figure was typical, that may had been my downfall if I wasn't so determined to keep moving. I would say at the very least there were three clean stabs that protruded and extruded my stomach cavity. The mass flooding of internal bleeding left my body heavy and uncomfortable. It pushed and shoved my internal organs in directions they simply weren't meant to be in.

_**You forgot about the four cracked ribs**_

_So, I'm pretty fucked up right now._

I sighed trying to turn myself over again. No matter what the cost I needed to stand up. Once on my stomach the treachery and pain of moving was enough to make me cough spurts of blood onto the cold hard ground that could have at one point been my death bed.

_Damn it, it's no good._

_**I can help ya, king.**_

_I don't want any of your help._

_**Even if it's for queen?**_

_Why do you keep referring to Rukia as 'queen'?_

_**Because that's exactly what she is in here.**_

A blush betrayed me.

_**Stop getting all flustered. Now do you want my help or not?**_

_What can you possibly do?_

_**I can do many things**_

His insane laughter oddly seemed comforting in the fortitude of silence. It bounced off the insides of my head echoing at every angle possible. The only reassuring thought was that I was going to be able to save Rukia from whatever torturous situation she must had been in.

In short, but swift bursts of my hollow's reiatsu the sights of the previous wounds were crusted over in bubbling white liquid that was as white as new fallen snow. It looked demented and monstrous, especially the large over hanging bone like structure that horizontally crossed my cheek bone. It was fine though, I didn't care. The pain oozed away as my body slowly enclosed itself in fractions of the white encasing. My chest bore home to strips of the bone like material, acting like a second pair of ribs to replace my useless ones. Stiff, pointy material formed up both arms swirling until they met at the base of my collar bone. From there the white spiral forming weed wrapped down my body ultimately splitting again at the base of my stomach before spiraling down my legs coming to a halt at my ankles.

The second set of bones, for lack there of better words, were like my support system. If they were shattered not only would I be crippled, but the bleeding would start all over again. Basically, I had one shot at bringing down the person that took Rukia to begin with. If he got to me first I was as good as dead. My hollow side was as strong and malevolent as ever, in fact I may had been slightly more powerful than usual considering how much hollow reiatsu was circulating in my body to seize the internal bleeding. It wouldn't have surprised me if there were white patches lining my organs, but then again I didn't want to find out if I guessed right either.

Slowly, I emerged from the ground balancing my weight on my right knee until I had gotten a hang of the structure in place of my body. It was a strange feeling, I was in control, but at the same time I wasn't. My mind controlled the skeletal designed hollow bone lining my main dysfunctional limbs, while the rest of the support features were there for just that. I could do it, all I needed was one good shot, that was it. The problem that bewildered me was how I was supposed to get that one shot in.

_**See, and you doubted me**_

_What's the catch?_

_**A catch? King I don't think you understand…I'm not doing this to specifically help you. If you go then so do I.**_

_What's to say this crap on me can't somehow thrust you to the drivers seat?_

_**You're too skeptical of me…Well, don't just stand there! Go save queenie.**_

_Stop calling her queen!_

_**Don't lie to yourself, you know you like it.**_

……………………………..

_How the hell am I supposed to get where I'm supposed to go?_

It was bad enough that I was stranded in the middle of no where without directions, I didn't need the added worry of enemy attack and death. No, I take the death part back, I wasn't afraid of that…I was only afraid of dieing too soon. After I saved Rukia by all means Aizen could have had his way with me. Of course that wasn't to say I wouldn't try to stay alive. Bottom line, if it was between my life and hers, I would have given my life in a heartbeat. Wouldn't that have been for the best anyways? She gave me my life, so why not return the favor? I couldn't have thought of any better way to go; going for the person that changed your world from black and white to neon color. Sure, sometimes the tint was a little too bright and outrageously obnoxious, but it wasn't horrible. The dark; dreary world turned into something amazing, far beyond anything I ever dreamt was possible. Just because of that, I could profoundly thank her for years. My life was hers to do with what she wills and if that meant losing it then it was fine with me. The experience of being with her through these past few years was maybe the best experience I had ever had. She created and formed my life, nurtured my soul into a fully grown one, and sending it off in my eyes just came with the territory.

_Damn it Rukia how am I supposed to find you!?_

The sand whipped by my face rubbing against my exposed flesh as the wind picked up in a harsh manner. Mini sand cylinders circulated the area like a valley of tornados. The vast landscape, all in the sickening pale peach color, engulfed my vision. My eyes shut while the violent wind went about its business, flourishing the barren lands. A speck of the dirt like substance worked its way into my eyes which actually did hurt much to my surprise. I thought at that point I would have been immune to such an insignificant pain, but I guessed not. My footing became off balanced as I stumbled backward swaying and swishing my sword arm in the air; Zangetsu's original form still in hand.

_I would give almost anything to just get to Rukia! This is fucking insane, having to find my way through this._

The storm finally subsided as I was able to reopen my eyelids. It felt good not to have foreign objects encased in my eyes or the burning sensation for that matter. To my surprise when I opened my eyes there was a small rip in the air. It was like a tear in time and space. Just a spiraling opening of dark reiatsu. Did I dare go near the strip of misplaced power? Of course.

At first I was bewildered by the foreign hole, then I slowly remembered where I had seen something like that before. It was a portal, not one like the shinigami usually used to get from dimension to dimension, but one that the espada and hollows used. I had no time to think of the meanings behind this. Or the fact that I just used an ability that should have been forever sealed off from me, a shinigami.

I poked my hand through the portal first, just to make sure it wasn't a horrible mistake on my part and that it wasn't going to kill me, but it seemed fine. I mean all my fingers were still intact. Without another hesitation I jumped; head first into the tear in midair. In retrospect maybe walking through would have done the job because slamming head first into a concrete wall wasn't the best feeling in the world.

I curled into the fetal position on the ground rubbing my head. I made a clear note to myself that rushing wasn't always the answer to everything. So, where the fuck was I? That was the question. I wasn't in the depths of the desert anymore, so did that mean I actually ended up back at Aizen's lair? Who'd of thought that luck, my luck, would get me closer to my goal. Normally it was the opposite and I'd end up miles away.

"Who the fuck are you?" An eerie voice that seemed to linger about the room in an echo effect sounded from behind me. I was quick to regain my posture, turning around in a blink of an eye, flash stepping around the arrancar while cleanly stabbing it through the stomach. Zangetsu ripped upwards slicing through its entire body, leaving a pool of blood behind while the hollow slowly faded away. There was no time for games or in most Arrancar's cases witty banter. I needed to find Rukia and make sure she was okay…but that was a hell of a lot easier said than done.

"Damn it I'm lost." I cried in frustration rubbing my head. It was astounding how strong yet flexible the bone was. No matter what action I wanted to accomplish the bones would bend with my will to perform its rightful duty.

_**You should've asked that last guy for directions**_

_No way am I asking a hollow for directions!_

_**Well, it's not like your doing any better by just standing here.**_

_I'm thinking of a tactical plan. Is that so wrong?_

_**Well, last time I checked you have to be thinking in order to do that!**_

……

_Now how the hell am I supposed to get to Rukia?_

_**Don't ask me, you just said you weren't going to ask for any help from a no good, rotten hollow.**_

_I wasn't asking you._

_**Then who were you asking!? I'm the only one listening in here.**_

I had enough with the bitter argument as I started again on my fast trek through the winding hallways of the building made only of white concrete. At first I thought about trying at find her spiritual ribbon, but I never was good at sensing reiatsu and well lets just say with massive amounts of reiatsu flowing out of myself it was a little harder then it may have been for someone who was under little pressure and had a hell of a lot less reiatsu.

So, what the hell to do… I thought about it briefly all the while still zigzagging through the hallways. That area though, it seemed different then all the rest. There were brown wooden doors, all lined up in a neat and orderly fashion. The walls were still white, but less dust seemed to have had been collected, that was an indication in itself that the area had been used often.

_I wonder…_

Against my better judgment I creaked a door open a crack to take a glance inside. It was a bedroom, two beds and a dark brown bureau. To human standards that was considered a poor living condition, but I guessed that was what an arrancar was used to. I silently closed the door then entered the next room. All eight rooms were the same, the only difference was that the furniture was in different positions set up in different angles.

_**Well, now that you have that out of your system…**_

_Wait, I actually have an idea._

_**Wow, that's a first.**_

_Can you shield the presence of my normal reiatsu and just condense it into hollow reiatsu?_

_**What if I can?**_

_Well, if you can, do it. If not we die._

_**I don't think I have much of a choice now do I?**_

I snuck back into one of the rooms, scrimmaged through the drawer of one of the bureaus. Just like I had thought, an extra set of clothes…Arrancar clothes. I hesitantly slipped the white and red set of clothes on after the dismantling of my shinigami uniform. What I was going to do with the left over clothes I had no idea…my only alternative was to leave them here. I sighed tucking my black robes into the space to fill the void of the missing white ones.

If I had a mirror I was sure to see an espada and not a shinigami. At this point I resembled anything but a shinigami. The white long sleeved robes were accented with a blood red sash at the middle which seamlessly tucked away in the back. There was a collar at the top which showed only to the top of my chest that flopped up in a fashion where it covered my neck, but at the same time it couldn't prove that the hole that wasn't on my chest was missing. The pants were just as comfortable as my shinigami ones considering the similarity of material; the only difference was the fabric being white instead of the black.

I had to do one last thing to completely disguise myself because as I was now it was a dead give away. It was a good thing that I noticed the black ash in one of the previous rooms. To my assumption there was a fire of some sort and I really didn't want to question as to why either. I just thought of it as good luck and carried on. I smothered my hair in the black soot until it was completely black, leaving not even a strand of orange hair.

_This better work…I feel ridiculous._

With Zangetsu on my back, thinking of no other way to hide him, I carried on down the hallway, this time taking my own advice and not rushing. It seemed odd to think things through, and I meant completely detailed plans. Maybe it was the fact that the person who changed my world was on the line. I had to think though, if it had been anyone else would I have been that determined? After all, Orihime had been kidnapped, to some degree, and brought here. If it was her instead of Rukia this time would I have had really gone this far? I couldn't think of a logical explanation as to why I wouldn't feel the same way either. I mean, both of them were people, so shouldn't I have wanted to save either equally as much? In the depths of my mind I had already known the truth. Rukia, was so much more important to me than Orihime ever would be.

"What the hell are you doing here?" A vicious voice boomed from behind me. It came from an upper low class arrancar, probably ten or so down from an espada, if I had to assume. Nonetheless, a weakling in my eyes. At first I thought my whole genius scheme was to be foiled already, so my hand inched closer to Zangetsu's hilt as the arrancar walked closer. "Aizen called a meeting a half hour ago. If you don't get your ass down there in time don't complain if he decides to dispose of you." With a grimace the arrancar pulled me along as I tripped to keep up while walking backwards.

…………………

We had quietly and insidiously slipped into the back of the large white, shadow covered room. There were large square slabs raised above others in an uneven fashion along the sides with espada sprawled out across them. In the middle of it all was a thrown like chair, that matched the cubic design, with Aizen leisurely resting leaning against one arm. It infuriated me how carefree he was, how vulnerable and open he made himself, how happy his disposition was. If Rukia was safely in my hands I would have massacred him right there and then; a hundred arrancar at his disposal or not.

"Well, everyone's here now aren't they? I don't want any stragglers, after all today is an important day." His squinted eyes scanned the room briefly eyeing almost every arrancar, skipping over me. I fidgeted in my spot as I grew more and more restless. Patience wasn't one of my strong suits, especially when Rukia's life was in danger. In fact it had worried me that I couldn't see her. Wasn't she with Aizen? Didn't he take her for some bizarre reason?

"Why's that, Aizen?" A sneer came from the crowd at least fifty feet from where I had stood.

"Today, I have ensured our success by killing the only chance soul society had at beating us." His grin grew as he glanced around the cheering room, his eyes met mine for a mere second; his smile grew even larger than before, then his eyes wandered to the side door behind the thrown. My heart skipped a beat as time seemed to freeze, the only thing in the room I could focus on being those monstrous eyes. "I even brought a souvenir." His last statement seemed bored as if delivering that type of speech was exhausting.

As if on cue, the backdoors swung open as Ichimaru Gin and Tosen Kaname came in; Gin carrying something extra in his arms. It was a person doused in black clothing; a shinigami uniform. Black hair, short, and petite.

_You have to be fucking kidding me…_

What the hell was I supposed to do? Stand there and pretend I didn't recognize her? No way in hell was I going to relax when Aizen was flaunting Rukia like a trophy. I pushed my way through the large crowd of cheering hollow. It was disturbing that being in such sudden proximity of the arrancar seemed indifferent then when I was with the shinigami or humans. Was I really the only being alive that could fit in flawlessy with humans, hollows and shinigami?

As I neared the front my restlessness grew. It was Rukia being held for everyone to see, she was a captive in Aizen's deadly war. He would pay for this, I swore to that if it was the last thing I did. My hand itched to thrust Zangetsu from his hibernating state, but my self control, well the little I had, kept me from completely revealing myself.

"Is that shinigami, Ichigo Kurosaki really not a problem anymore?" Another arrancar spoke in an excited tone.

_I didn't realize how popular my death would be around here._

"Yes, he's far from being a concern. In fact he's dead to soul society now." His ever present grin had stood strong as I neared the front stage. As soon as I got close enough, just as soon as I could grab Rukia and run. That's when I was going to strike. Hell, I'd probably get killed in the process but maybe I could make that portal thing again and I could just get her away. I'd stay behind and fight off anyone who dared to go after her. Then odds are I would be dead, so a plan after that point was pretty useless.

My speed picked up as my walking became a fast walk which changed into a jog that ultimately ended in a fast sprint. A ready hand laid on Zangetsu's hilt as I jumped through the air unraveling him; clashing swords with Tosen who had swiftly taken charge of Aizen's protection.

"It's okay Kaname. You know Ichigo Kurosaki don't you?" The way Aizen introduced me like a friend sickened me. I growled under my breath as I struggled to keep level footing with the blind ex-captain. If I wanted to I could most definitely over power him. There was no doubt about it, but the fact that Rukia was in their arms and not mine made me hold back.

"I thought you took care of this problem." Tosen mumbled under his breath to the man in charge.

"What problem? Ichigo's going to be a great help." Aizen's words dumbfounded me. Did he expect me to help him? If he had then he had another thing coming.

"Why would I help you?" I hissed at him, sliding away from Tosen who had already sheaved his zanpactou.

"Well, I assume you wouldn't want Rukia to die now would you?" I could feel the momentary pause of my pulse. The room seemed to dement itself as I starred at him with an odd expression.

"What the hell do you want me to do?" I barked stabbing Zangetsu into the hard cement.

"Simple, join us and become an espada." The look he gave me all the while was enough to make me want to slice his head off.

"And if I refuse?" I said under my breath as Aizen weakly pointed towards Rukia.

"The poison she just took, thanks to our Szayel, will slowly eat away at her until she dies. It's a very painful process I assure you. Now if you join us, we will have a temporary antidote ready for her every week." His unchanging expression screwed with my mind. How could someone look so calm after destroying a persons life? After taking everything that someone held dear to them, then stomping on it until it was damaged beyond compare. If he wanted me then fine, he could have me, but to do something that horrible to Rukia was…is unforgivable. The problem was I had no choice but to comply with him.

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**A/N: Okay so this started off as a simple one-shot to pass the writers block, but i guess somewhere along the lines it formed into a full-blown story...which i can't understand myself. SO...blame Hollowzangetsu!!! She's the one who encouraged me to turn this into an actual story (unfortunatly)...i mean it's not like I have five other ichiruki stories in the process...oh wait...i do... -Your NekoWriter**

**_Hollow...I needed you to post this story for me last night and you didn't answer your texts :( So, now the story is a day late!!!!!...well, seven hours late lol... -Me_**


	2. Conditions of the Inevitable

**Only If It's For You**

_**By: NekoWriter**_

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**Chapter 2: Conditions of the inevitable**

"_I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven" -Red Jumpsuit apparatus (Your Guardian Angel)_

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"So, your blackmailing me?" I said harshly as my hand gripped the hilt of Zangetsu tighter.

"Blackmail," he seemed to way the definition of the word in his head, "That's such a…demeaning word. Let's call it heavily persuading shall we?" He grinned as he leaned to the right side, balancing his head gently on his hand.

"I don't care what you call it…Just tell me what the fuck you want me to do." Patience was the very last thing that I had. If anything I was more hostile then I had ever been before in my life.

"Pull your robes down…just to the lower stomach." His smile grew wider as Ichimaru snickered in the background while Tousen sighed at the white haired ex-captain's immaturity.

"You want me to what!?" I asked bewildered at the odd request I had received.

"Well, I have a feeling you're having extra help. When I left you, you were on the brink of death. You shouldn't be able to stand at this point." I froze at his words. How did he guess that I was on a support system completely based upon my hollow's help? Sure, there was that piece of mask material that lined my cheek bone, but was it that obvious that I shouldn't have had been able to walk?

"Why would I show you?" I said as rebellious as possible.

"Well, for one thing I have that little shinigami you seem to risk your life for every time you get the chance…and don't you want to convince your new 'brothers'?" He gestured towards the big crowd of scowling espada and arrancar.

"I have nothing to convince them of." I said in a hushed tone bending in closer to the infuriating man.

"Yes, you do if you want 'her' to live. I have no control over who they want to kill." The grunting sound I made rivaled one of a hollow after losing a meal. Slowly I unraveled the top part of the espada robes and started to slide them down to mid body. The white bone that my body formed to was as bright and noticeable as before. If looks could kill…well, let's just say I would be long past dead, but then again I should have been dead a long time ago. In fact that was why I was going through this now. On that night I first met Rukia I should have died, but I didn't. She sacrificed everything for me. Now it was my turn to repay that favor I was going to sacrifice my pride and ego all for her.

"What the hell is that?"

"Is he really a shinigami?!?"

"No, way…he must be a hollow! Just look at that!"

"Aizen! What is that? You said he was a powerful shinigami and nothing more!"

All the complaints were flooding the room, all the different pitches bounced off the walls, each seeming to hit me in retaliation. I would have gave close to anything to be anywhere else but there at the moment. The thing was that the one thing I refused to give up was the reason why I was there, exposing half my body to the enemy.

_Damn, why do I feel like a slut?_

"Calm down everyone, all will be explained in time, but for now. This is Ichigo Kurosaki, the newest ranking in our espada division." Aizen stood like he was king of the world. Of course at that point in time he could have been. He felt too superior to comprehend. Was there no end to the nightmare that had befallen me? "Now tell everyone Ichigo," the man strode around me in slow, confident circles as to intimidate me. "Are you really just a shinigami? Or are you something more?," he stopped to lean in, "You better be convincing." he finally whispered before pulling away to go stand beside his two comrades.

What the hell was I supposed to say? I already though that everyone knew I had an inner hollow. Was that what Aizen wanted me to confess to? I felt like I was in self acceptance class only with a lot more people and all of them had frowns of disapproval written across their faces.

Instead of verbally explaining my situation I decided to show them living proof of what I was. After all, that was the best way to make them believe me. My hand rested diagonally on my face as I attempted to sum up enough energy to call my hollow half out. I raked my fingers across as my mask slowly formed; bits and pieces fit together like a puzzle. Once it was fully out gasps of shock rang out audibly once again the sounds echoing off the foreclosed space. My eyes slid closed, I did not want to know these being's reactions. I hardly wanted to know my own.

"So, now that everyone understands this it's time for the inauguration." Ichimaru smiled happily practically jumping in place; Rukia being swayed haphazardly in his arms. What I wouldn't have gave to be able to hold her in my arms just to get her away from all the danger he represented.

"What inauguration?" I barked staring at the overly gleeful man with Rukia in his arms.

"Well, all espada have a distinguishing mark proving their status. Or did you forget?" His ever present smile sent shivers down my spine. What did he mean? Well, clearly I had an idea, but I didn't want to be right.

Aizen nodded his head to the side slightly in some type of gesture I hadn't understood until a few seconds later. In a matter of three movements two arrancar had grabbed both my arms shoving me back into a wall. The surface was cold and made my skin tingle; sweat grew on my forehead as it began to drip to the ground.

"What the hell are-" I wasn't sure when the excruciating sensation started, but it was sudden and abrupt. The searing pain was enough to make me scream a blood curdling cry. At first it seemed bearable, and when I say bearable I mean to shinigami standards, but as the seconds of time flew by the stabbing perception coming from my lower right stomach grew worse. What were they doing? It felt like a stab wound being poked at over and over. No, that was too gentle of a way to put it; moreover it hurt like hell. In fact I would have rather been dragged into the depths of hell. It even made me think for a second that maybe all of what I was doing was too much…even for her, fortunately that second didn't last as long as the others.

For what seemed like hours, which in reality only lasted five minutes, excruciating pain lingered in my being. I slumped over on the wall trying to catch my breath as my blurred vision tried to grasp the concept of what happened. I stared at my hand until three became one.

_What did they do?_

My mind couldn't seem to grasp the concept of anything. All that seemed important now was to recover from the immense pain. I shifted my eyesight from the ground in front of me to the skin above my small intestine. There in a menacing black shade laid the number 0 in all its glory.

_**Hey, king…that actually looks pretty damn cool.**_

_Maybe to you but to me it looks traitorous._

"Once you're able to walk you can escort your guest to your room." Aizen said, smiling like he had just achieved victory over all of soul society.

"Why?" I wanted to say so much more, but I simply did not have the strength left in me to do so.

"Well, I need to make sure you feel at home now don't I?" He was pushing me too far. The torturous thing was that he knew that, on top of knowing I couldn't do a damn thing about it with the conditions I was under.

"The number 0? Are you mocking me?" I said breathless as I pulled myself up right on the wall.

"Mocking you? No, in fact I have high expectations for you. 0 is before 1… remember that…now live up to it. Wouldn't want to have to tear your skin off now would I?" He walked away with grace, using a hand to ruffle his hair. "Leave Kuchiki here, Gin." He said nonchalantly as Ichimaru placed Rukia at my feet. All three of them left the room, leaving Rukia, and I in our lonesome…oh, plus the army of arrancar and espada staring with intent stares. The way I was being looked at wasn't that pleasant either.

Slowly, I pulled myself up the concrete wall, using my hands to steady myself. Once up I stumbled around a bit before grabbing the sore spot because of a sharp shooting pain. I grunted in frustration, gravity wasn't on my side. Short shallow breaths came as my strength slowly rekindled. My only problem was the white bone supporting me which was starting to deteriorate. If someone were to pick a fight, I wouldn't really be able to defend myself all that well.

As best as I could I scooped Rukia up in my arms with a morsel of trouble. She was light and petite so it was much more simplistic than thought for me to carry her in my blood drenched arms. Carefully I jumped down from the large up risen section I was standing on, hitting the floor with much more pain then I thought possible from such a short jump. Half way through the squat that absorbed all my momentum I heard a loud crack; another rib had gone. I winced, but quickly resumed my posture as I put on a mask of indifference; wading through the crowd as if I belonged there. Which then...I guessed I did. They all stared as I exited the room; none of them challenging my authority or my position for that matter.

After I walked down two hallways I heard the faint sound of footsteps echoed behind me. I turned with a deadly glare; rage fuming inside me. My mind was on anger high and nothing I did could calm it down. An arrancar, blue hair and light green eyes came to an abrupt halt two feet away. He looked around twelve…in human years. His height came to my chest and his small frame seemed to be consumed by the white espada formals he wore. All in all he seemed innocent enough, but nothing was ever as it seemed to be in my eyes. Trust wasn't something I could afford to lend.

"I'm B. It's short for…well, some long name I don't care to tell you. Not to say I hate you or anything…in fact I admire you… The way you faced down Aizen! Whoa!" He did short simplistic karate moves while pretending to wield a sword. "Anyways, I just don't like my name. That's not the point… jeez you sure do walk fast for a man with broken…well everything's. That makes it so much cooler!" I had to stop the innocent sweet kid act because it bugged the crap out of me.

"Listen kid, I'm not in the mood. Go run along and do whatever hollows do around here. I don't care to be associated with you guys longer then I need to be." I tried to wave him off as I began to walk away; another snap came. This time it erupted from the outside bone, I watched as the white material crumbled to the ground.

_Fuck…I've reached my limit. The bone is cracking…that's the only thing supporting me._

_**I can't help ya any…I'm exhausted.**_

_How can you be exhausted? You haven't done any work!_

_**Did you forget who's been forging that support system of yours? That takes a constant flow of reiatsu. **_

_Damn…_

Flashes of light flickered in my eyes as my eyelids seemed to grow heavy. The weight they bore was too much to bear. While cradling Rukia with the remains of my physical energy I had left I fell, my world turning black in the process.

……………….

My eyes gradually opened; the black screen I grew used to now had turned an intense white. I tempted to move, but it was to no avail. My body was either numb or in a state of shock which both were highly probable. My head was able to turn a fraction, but that was all I could muster.

"Oh so your awake Mr. Ichigo!" The same gleeful kid as before sat on the bed crisscross staring at me with excited eyes.

"What the...? Who are…? Huh?" My head was killing me and thinking wasn't one of my favorite things to do right at the moment.

"Oh, you passed out. Don't worry I carried both that shinigami and you to your room. That was my original purpose anyways…not to carry you to your room, but to bring you to it. Never really thought I would have to actually carry you here! I didn't get a chance to tell you that though because well, you passed out! Oh right, I put that shinigami girl on your bed…this is your roommates…I figured he'd have more forgiveness towards you blooding his sheets. I mean I don't think he'll kill you, but you never know with him…" He lightly chuckled as only a little kid could. "So…can I see it?" He seemed overly energized. His bouncing made the bones in my body hurt as the bed went up and down.

"See what?" I said giving in.

_Maybe he'll leave faster if I just show him what he wants to see._

"You know…your number!" The shock in my eyes was nothing compared to the anxiety in his. It looked as if he would have bent over backwards while on a rope dangling over a hundred foot drop to see it.

"Fine. I don't care. It's not like I have any type of sentimental attachment to it, look all you want." With a few streaks of pain through my arm I slowly pulled my shirt up to reveal the black inked number 0.

"Whoa! That is so…Cool!" He squeaked in delight. His face was practically an inch from the sore spot. I sighed in annoyance.

"Yeah, cool. Now go away!" I shooed him away with my hand which he took very seriously. He almost abruptly stood up and left the room. "Wow that was easy." I was able to exhale knowing there were no espada in the room.

A sudden thought struck my mind. I was wrong…wasn't I an espada now? Sure, I trained under the vizzard and fought along side the shinigami, but this number…it changed everything. It felt like I was branded, in fact I was. Now I was property of Aizen's. The thought gave me goose bumps and slightly raised my temper level.

"Ichigo…" A disturbing cry of agony came from a few feet away. With no doubt I could pinpoint that voice as Rukia's. The thing though was that, that was her sleeping nightmare voice. Of course that had worried me; Rukia was known to have nightmares only in the worst of times.

_Ah, fuck that means I must have really screwed up this time. _

_**Nonsense, you screw up this badly practically everyday…this one is just a little over dramatic.**_

Even in the worst of times my hollow had to add his input. Hesitantly, I pulled my body up, actually feeling the full extent of my injuries. A blend of pain, soreness, and sharp stinging ruptured through out my body leaving me practically paralyzed in place. It was bad, but the thing was that it could have been a lot worse. In fact it should have been. I looked down realizing that all my injuries were already treated and bandaged.

_Did that small hollow kid do this?_

I had to say I was grateful if he did, even if I didn't want to associate with the espada and arrancar at all. My eye sight wandered from my battered and bruised body to the other occupant of the room, Rukia. She laid peacefully, as possible, under a few layers of sheets on the bed parallel to the one I occupied. Her hand was tightly clutching her pillow as she winced in her sleep. Over all physically she looked fine, but mentally…well, I hoped she was stable.

With the stinging sensation sparking in all my joints I gradually dragged my broken body over to that bed. I sighed leaning against the wall, sitting with my legs jetting off the bed waiting for her to wake up. What a mess I was in… Better yet, what a mess I had gotten her into again. It was typical; she suffered for all my stupid mistakes. Why couldn't I bear the weight of at least that by myself? Every time something went wrong in my life I dragged Rukia down with me.

The sheets started to shift under me as the last murmurs of Rukia's nightmare ended. Her eyes slowly blinked open; her hand shooting up to her neck, rubbing it viciously. When she looked my way all I could do was give her a comforting smile. After all what else could I do?

"Hey…" I started not sure what else to say. Her eyes went wide in what looked like fear. This made my high alert senses go on attentiveness. "What's wrong?"

"What…No, you can't be…Stay away from me!" The purple irises I had been eagerly awaiting all this time disappeared just like that concealed by her eyelids.

"Listen, I know it's my fault…again, but don't worry I'm going to get you out of here." I sincerely said hoping my words were true.

"No, your not real, your dead." She was in deep denial over something. She covered her ears with both her hands as I stirred closer; prying her hands loose in the process.

"Go Away! How long are you going to haunt me?" She loudly cried with an essence of regret lingering in it.

"I can't just go away yet! I mean later on fine, in fact that may be better, but Rukia you can't pick now to get regretful." My frustration was on the rise, why was she acting so strangely. It was as if she had seen a ghost.

"Regretful? Of course I'm regretful I killed you!" Now, I was well to say the least confused.

"Rukia, you never killed me…ever." I didn't want to include our first encounter when my fate was altered to begin with, but I really couldn't count that as a death. After all I was technically still living right?

"Then you're a horrible Kaien impersonator…" She said silently balling her fists tightly.

"Kaien!? Rukia! It's me, Ichigo." I stated in her face as she looked up in realization.

"Ichigo! But, Aizen finished you off! How are you still alive!? You're hair it's black!" She sounded speechless, but clearly she could get a complete sentence out.

"Clearly he didn't do that well of a job. I'm pretty sure he had other plans for me. As for the hair it's just dirt to disguise myself…of course as if that helps now." I sighed leaning back in my previous spot. It felt strange, this feeling welling in the depths of my chest. A burning hate, no not hate…what was it? Jealousy? Why would I have had a feeling like that when thinking about how Rukia mistook me for another man?

"Where are we?" She asked skimming the room looking at every possible angle. Her eyes squinting when I assumed, she didn't find a window.

_How did I know her first thought would be to find a way to escape?_

"Well, under my presumption…my room." I sighed while I myself looked over the room right along side Rukia.

"Your room? Dumb ass, give me a less suckish explanation!" She seemed pissed, I was grateful she decided to spare me from a slap. No way in hell did I deserve another bruise!

"Hey! You should be happy I'm giving you one at all midget!" If I could at least act normally around her, maybe it'd take some stress off her shoulders.

"Well then hurry up with it!" She was as patient as always.

"Alright, we're still in Hueco Mundo…" I started to try and figure out what parts I should have had said and which ones I should have kept secret. It was Rukia, so the secrets were very minimal.

"..no shit…" how someone could make me that mad so fast was beyond me, but I was glad it was her making me mad over Aizen.

"I wasn't done…Aizen brought you with him when I was down." I stopped to make sure I had her attention, "With help from my hollow I was able to move again, but it was limited. I got here and…well Rukia. We can't leave…" I gave up on a explanation, so I cut to the bottom line and flat out told her the conditions.

"That damn Aizen, what did he do? Reiatsu enforce the door? I could probably get through it with a kido, let me try-" I stopped her before her imagination and all the escape plans she was creating got out of hand.

"No, it's not. I'm free to walk out the door anytime…Rukia I don't think you're going to like any of the circumstances." I admitted it to myself; I didn't want her to see what had happened to me.

"If we can just walk out then why don't-" Without hesitation I pulled up my shirt half way so she could see the number etched into my lower stomach. Her eyes went wide in fear? Distraught? Sadness? I couldn't really place the emotion. All I knew was that she didn't like what she saw…but it wasn't like I expected her to either.

"No…Ichigo…you can't be a…a….a…" She couldn't choke out the words that seemed jammed in her throat.

"Rukia, you have to understand…I had no choice!" I yelled at her in frustration. Somehow I knew she wouldn't understand.

"You always have a choice!" She barked back at me in agony.

"Not this time! They threatened to kill you!" I argued trying to knock some sense into her.

"So what? You could have gotten out! Ichigo you have a family, and friends…a future! Why did you give that all away?" She continued to yell, a few small drops of liquid crashing to the bed sheets.

"Because! You are my family! My friend! And! Most importantly, you're my future! I don't care what happens to me, but for them to threaten you because of me…Rukia, I wouldn't be able to handle it if you died or suffered because of me." That was the truth whether she believed it or not.

"So you're guilty…" She said silently her hand searching for something next to her. Not until after a few seconds did I realize it was her zanpactou.

"Guilty? No, that's not it! Aughh! Why is this so frustrating? You changed my life, you improved it! All I want is for you to be in my life! That's not guilt it's need!" I finished my argument hoping she didn't have a rebuttal.

"Ichigo…you're an espada now…" Her voice was uneven and shaky. Hesitantly, she slid Sode no Shirayuki out of her sheath. "My job…is to get rid of hollow's…Ichigo, that's what you are now." A tear ran down her cheek as she looked at me with red puffy eyes.

"Fine." I grabbed the blade lightly shifting so it was pointing at my neck. "My life is yours anyways. I won't stop you, ya know, so don't expect me to, and you better not damn regret it or feel the least bit of sorrow afterwards!"

"You think I want to?" She shouted still in her shaken state.

"No, but I know you have to... Rukia I have a last favor, can you please wait…till after I save you? Then you can do whatever you see fit. Even if that means erasing my whole exsistance from this world."

* * *

**A/N: Okayyy, ch. 2!!!!! Complete!!! Yes!!! Ugh tired, 21 hours of sleep in 5 days…not healthy. (ahaha poor Hollow she's at 18) Well, please tell me what you think. AND NO MORE STORY ALERTS WITHOUT REVIEWS! I get sooo many of those!!! –Your NekoWriter **

**P.S- it's going to be a crappy edit bc i didnt go through it twice and im tired so i am not going to!!!**


	3. Lingering Feelings

**Only If It's For You**

_**By: NekoWriter**_

* * *

**Chapter 3: Lingering Feelings**

"I know now, just quite how  
My life and love might still go on  
In your heart, in your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time." -The Calling (Wherever you may go)

* * *

As the hours flew by, both of us just sat there in an awkward silence. She curled arms around tucked in legs letting her hair flow down accenting the light skin. I on the other hand laid on the hard; cold floor staring up at the blank white ceiling motionlessly. Even the slight twitch of a finger would shoot intense pain up my body. All was well, extremely boring for a change. There was no excitement or life/ death battle; I couldn't even remember the last time it was that calm in my life. After all I didn't really have to worry about murderous attacks. The shinigami had no idea what had occurred and I was as of then, not by my choice, a pawn in Aizen's army.

The sudden burst of a door slamming into the wall made my head jerk up creating a numbing sensation in the upper part of my body from the pain. My mind raced impatiently as I hauled my body up against the dark stained burro.

"What the hell are you doing here, Grimmjow?" I gritted my teeth waiting for the pain to fade from the movement.

"What am I doing here?" He pointed to himself in what seemed disbelief, "What are YOU doing here… in MY room?" His fist curled around the material of my robes pulling me upwards to face him.

"I was given this room… looks like you should start looking for another one if you have such a problem with it." I cockily grinned knowing it would piss him off.

"Why you little-"As his fist went back in a punching motion it was caught by the last person I expected to see. My eyes went wide in shock.

"Ul…Ulq…Ulquiorra. But…I killed you." That's all the shock allowed me to say.

"Yes, you almost succeeded too. Unfortunately for you not everyone is loyal to their specified sides." I didn't understand exactly what he meant, but it didn't matter once I felt a prick in my left arm. A pink haired espada with a long needle in his hand injected glowing blue liquid into me with a look of indifference.

"Don't worry. That's not going to hurt you in any way." He wiped the needle clean with a white cloth he carried, "It'll make you feel brand new in a few seconds. It took this long simply because I'm not used to working with mixed blood." As I stared slightly confused at him, feeling my energy starting to return, his facial features seemed to lighten in excitement or maybe amusement. "Your blood is simply astounding though. I can pick out the hollow, shinigami, and human blood cells in it. The most amazing thing is that they all flow in perfect harmony together." I looked away as I started to see an insane side of the Espada come out.

"Szayel…enough." After an annoyed scoff the pink haired espada stopped his talking and laughter due to Ulquiorra's orders.

As the liquid traced through me it created a tingling sensation that felt quite pleasant. My body and organs were being completely restored. It was amazing; nothing like I had ever seen the shinigami do. In fact their way of healing was quite brutal. For the most part it was the old fashion 'deal with the pain for the next few weeks to come' method.

"wow this stuff is amazing." I stated to myself flexing my arm in disbelief.

"Don't insult me… of course its good. I made it." Szayel folded his arms across his chest looking offended.

A rustling came from besides me on the bed; I had forgotten that Rukia was still there. She had been so quiet for so long. Something I rarely saw from her. I looked over at her while standing up slowly making sure the medicine or whatever was injected into me worked completely.

"Oh I forgot about you. You're the one I made that poison for. If I do say so myself it's quite a remarkable serum." In a quarter of a second I had him pinned against the concrete wall with vicious intent.

"How dare you put something like that into her." I squeezed the flesh harder, but Szayel's expression didn't falter.

"It won't kill her…as long as it feeds on a specific liquid that I have to make every week just for her. So I would think twice about killing me because I am the only one capable of creating such an antidote." My grip lessened as I backed away hesitantly.

"Grimmjow…Szayel…." Ulquiorra motioned towards the door with a blank look on his face or in other words his usual nonchalant expression, "Time to go. If you get hungry there's a food hall in the center of the building." With that all of them retreated with a final angry groan from Grimmjow. I waited until the door completely closed before going over to Rukia.

"Rukia…are you alright?" I asked warily sitting off the end of the bed peering up at her.

"Yes." Her eyes stayed out of view hidden by her raven hair.

"liar." I accused trying to get some type of reaction out of her.

"Who are you to call me a liar?" She yelled at me slightly taken aback.

"I'm the person who knows your lying! I've lived with you for how long and you don't think I can tell the difference between the truth and a lie?" I was now on my knees leaning forward; my hands at either side of her upright positioned body.

"I haven't lived with you long enough for you to be able to tell the difference! In soul society I can easily lie to people that I have known for decades…even Renji." Her eyes saddened from what looked like guilt. "There's no way for you to know…it's impossible!" As she stopped I started talking again immediately inching closer to her unconsciously.

"Rukia I've always been able to tell!" My tone softened, "I don't know why, but I just have. If there's anything I'm sure of it's of that." My voice grew louder again, "So don't say I can't!" She looked…actually I really couldn't place an emotion. It was a cross of pain and happiness.

"fine Ichigo Kurosaki… I'll humor you." She stuck her tongue out at me briefly leaning forward a little. After a few seconds of silence some strange attraction seemed to pull us forward. Inch by inch…we grew closer; my fists clenched at the bed sheets. I had no idea whatsoever as to what was happening. I just knew that I wasn't going to wreck the moment. It was way too perfect, for the conditions we were under, to ruin.

At first I had no idea what was happening. One moment we were arguing with each other… then next we were kissing. I mean it was an innocent kiss. Yeah that was it, I had thought. It was nothing more, just some reaction to the stress?

_**King…score a home run… ya no you can do it**_

_Fuck off I'm busy_

My hands wrapped around her waist in response as I slowly lowered her down so her head was gently cuddled on the pillow. I slowly laid down on top of Rukia, but shifted my weight so it wasn't all forced on her body. We continued to kiss, neither of us sure about what was happening or why for that matter. All we knew and agreed on was that we didn't want to stop.

Something of course had to ruin the moment; it was inevitable. Rukia's stomach growled viciously. She pulled away with a dark red blush.

"I'm a little hungry." Her tone sounded ashamed and embarrassed two things she didn't need to feel.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I hopped off the bed with an arm behind my head rubbing the base of my neck looking at the adjacent wall.

"I don't want to associate with 'them' though." Her seriousness started to shine through again.

"Neither do I, but we really don't have much of a choice." I sighed deeply walking over to the door pulling it open slowly waiting for Rukia to get up. She nodded sluggishly making her way to the door.

* * *

After taking directions from three different arrancar we finally reached our destination; the food hall. I wasn't quite sure why I expected normal human food.

* * *

**A/N: Wowww, been a while hasn't it? Sorry… honestly it feels like my writing just hasn't been good enough…you have no idea how many times this chapter was rewritten. And it still didn't turn out well! I don't know what's wrong…again sorry everyone. –**_**Your NekoWriter **_


	4. Coronation of a Traitor

**Only If It's For You**

_**By: NekoWriter**_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Coronation of a Traitor **

"_One thousand miles away, there's nothing left to say  
But so much left that I don't know  
We never had a choice, this world is too much noise  
It takes me under, it takes me under once again"_

_-Rise Against (savior)_

* * *

In fact why would there ever be human food in that place? I was in a sanctuary filled with arrancar, espada, and hollows. Reality quickly dawned on me at that point. Now…I was one of them. Part of that meant I had to live according to their life style. If I couldn't at the very least do that…Rukia would have died. I glanced over at the person who had successfully conquered my thoughts finding a shocked horror filled look on her face. Her eyes were wide; full of disgust… maybe even a little fear? She bit her lip while holding her right arm in some type of support.

In front of both of us a long hall with two sets of large wood doors on either side stood as if just to be there to intimidate what it withheld. The room itself was at least a mile long give or take. No windows. No shelter. No hiding places. No chance of escaping. This room…the room set in a blood stained white concrete walls… was known as the food hall. This room held home to hundreds of lost wandering scared human souls.

I grabbed the closest arrancar to me; dragging him off his feet so his face was even with mine, "What the hell is this place?" I hissed at him gripping the top of his robe tighter.

"It's…the food…food…food hall." I let him go, who obviously didn't get what I meant, throwing him to the ground. In seconds he scampered away like an afraid mouse. A mouse…something that knows better than to get caught by another something more powerful than its own self.

"Ichigo…" A low voice full of comprehension erupted abruptly next to me, "what did you expect?" Her eyes were hidden by a dark shadow her hair created, "These beings…though human like enough…aren't human." Her head turned up; eyes slightly watery, "Ichigo! This is the life of an espada! Why go through all of this…just for me?" She turned hastily running in the opposite direction. Away from the place that truly held home to evil in its truest form.

"Damn it Rukia!" At first my legs just didn't seem to want to move; like they knew once I caught up to her I wouldn't be able to explain anything or why I was chasing her to begin with. After maybe ten seconds my feet unlocked allowing me to dart after her at a fast pace. Reluctance still followed though refusing to let me catch up to her any faster than I already was. The weird thing though was that even though I was going slow…it should have been about at the level of a normal shinigami's shunpo. There's no way that she could have ran that fast in that amount of time. Something was off.

When the worry and frustration kicked in my speeds were back to a phenomenal pace. 'Why wasn't she here?' 'What happened to her?' 'Did someone take her?' 'Who dare touch her?' Question after question raced through my head fueling my anger. 'If anyone hurt her…' My mind didn't finish that question; it didn't even want to think of the possibility of her actually being hurt.

I kicked up sand, dirt, and dust for a few minutes in a frantic hurry to find her. Soon after I was going at such high speeds that not even the dust noticed my presence. Anywhere…she wasn't anywhere. All at one point I just stopped with a horror struck expression. The girl I had protected for so long. The one I risked my life for over and over. The one I was going through hell and back for… she just disappeared.

"Mr. hot shot himself…" I turned in a heated fury wanting to punch whoever was stupid enough to talk to me at the moment.

"What do you want…Grimmjow." I gritted my teeth trying to withhold my anger…though I don't know why considering I hated the guy.

"Chill. I was only told to relay a message. I don't like being treated as a messenger as it is. So, be grateful I decided to follow orders this time." He leaned against the wall digging hands into his pockets looking up at the ceiling above. "Aizen said something like go see him yada yada shinigami chick… mission. Something like that." He stood upright again slowly walking toward me as if just passing by. His stride stopped when he was next to me. "Don't stand him up… just a warning." He said in a whispered hushed tone.

_Did…he just give me advice? Friendly advice?_

_**What type of fucking espada is he? **_

Before I could register anything with all his might he punched me in the stomach; a few drops of blood flew out of my mouth in response. His right hand went to my shoulder holding it lightly keeping me upright while the other stayed in contact with my stomach.

"That was for getting blood all over my bed." He let go letting me hunch over and slowly walked away digging hands into his pocket once again like nothing had happened.

_**That guy does have a certain style about him.**_

My first thought was to retaliate and save the little pride I had left, but remembering what he said…I really hoped that when he said 'shinigami chick' he meant Rukia. I sped off relieved. Once the word relieved registered though it made me stop.

…_Why am I relieved? She's with Aizen…the bad guy. I shouldn't be feeling relief…I should be in a fucking panic!_

_**But king…you're not. Never thought I'd see the day when someone actually trusted their enemy.**_

* * *

"Someone needs to make a map of this fucking place. It's like a maze!" I grunted angrily looking down all four hallways I had a choice of following. Agonizing…hungry… hollow cries echoed down the hall all the way to the right…so that marked off one option on my list of where Aizen was.

_I need to strategically determine which hall is right…_

"eenie…meenie..mineee...mo-" From behind me I felt a tug at the bottom part of my uniform.

"What are you doing Mr. Ichigo?" I remembered that voice from just a few hours ago. I turned to see a small kid like arrancar with blue hair and light green eyes; B.

"Nothing…." I hid my hands behind my back as if I was guilty of some crime.

"You look kinda lost to me Mr. Ichigo." His innocent expression puzzled me. How could an arrancar of all things look innocent?

"I'm not…" I turned away unwittingly being stubborn.

"Then you don't need me to show you where Aizen's conference room is? Because he's getting pretty impatient…. Oh! That girl…what was her name…that shinigami…hmm what was it…" B looked deep in thought pondering. His head was slightly slanted and arms were crossed at his chest.

"You mean R-"

"no…no don't tell me…Rain…no that's a type of weather….ron…no that's not a girls name…hmmm…well, im just gonna call her R…like my name is B because I don't like my name…so she has the same type of name as me …." His eyes lit up in excitement, "Did you know Mr. Ichigo that an R is a B but in the B the line at the bottom connects!" I stared incredulously.

_Is he really dangerous?_

"yo…just tell me where to go." I picked him up by the collar of his robe bringing him to eye level. He was lighter than he seemed…and he looked light.

"Oh right…" He laughed folding his arms behind his head.

* * *

"Ichigo…I see you finally made it. Hope it wasn't too much trouble." Aizen's cold stare sent shivers down my spine like all my blood was suddenly frozen in place. He sat at the head of a long table; Rukia sat directly across from him on the other side. Three other arrancar sat at the table closer to Rukia than I seemed comfortable with. I had no idea who the others were, but I knew something involving them was about to happen.

"Please sit… Ichigo." He grinned menacingly like he knew it bothered me. I moved over to the chair closest to Rukia on her left side. She turned away slightly. "Now you all must know what I called you here for…" The three arrancar nodded in agreement as I sat there dumbfounded.

"Just get to the point." I spoke under my breath gripping my fists into balls on the table.

"You have a new mission…" He paused to look at me in particular, "Destroy Rukongai district." Both Rukia and I stared horrified at the task we…no I had to fulfill. I had to destroy the main district in soul society. With this…I will be without exception marked as a traitor.

* * *

**A/N: Hope the update was fast enough for you ^^ hope you all like it -_Your NekoWriter_**


	5. Traitorous Contemplations

**Only If It's For You**

**_By: NekoWriter

* * *

_Chapter 5: Traitorous Contemplations**

_"Is there anybody out there? _  
_ That wakes up with a bitter taste?_  
_ It's a king that we put up there_  
_ And he's a short way to fall from grace" (-The All American Rejects)

* * *

_

I paced back and fourth in my room contemplating my options. Rukia followed in perfect synchronization with my strides. Her hands held firm at her sides, fists clenched. She stopped abruptly staring up at me with a serious expression.

"Well, obviously you can't go through with this," That was easy for her to say, it's not like she cared what happened to herself. I knew that all too well.

"But Rukia…I have to. I don't have a choice." I tilted my head down and to the side to avoid eye contact.

"Ichigo! We are talking about killing hundreds of innocent souls! Souls we promised a peaceful afterlife to. We can't take that away from them!" She shouted at me with exaggerated hand gestures.

"'We' aren't doing anything Rukia. 'I' am going to Rukongai district tomorrow." I lifted my face so she could see the determination set in my eyes. "'I' will carry out the mission 'I' was given." Then I paused for a moment having trouble saying the last few words, "And 'I' will destroy what I once fought to protect." I felt ashamed, it had all came down to this. Everything I ever worked towards, my entire life dwindled down to this.

"Why…" At first her voice was soft, incredulous in tone, "Why! Ichigo!" The yelling began again. "This is bigger, more important than just one life! All this time I've put my life on the line to protect this place, my home! It'll be all for not, countless shinigami who fought and died to protect Rukongai. All the sacrifice in vein." Her fists clenched the front of my robe, shaking in furry. The purple iris' in her eyes began to blur from the moisture building.

I looked at her, my eyes refusing to be torn from hers. My resolve was set already. We both knew it was inevitable to try and change my mind. I was too stubborn for that. I had to choose the lesser of two evils.

"Rukia, you may be willing to sacrifice yourself for that place, but I'm not." With that I rushed out the door, not being able to handle any come back from her. I heard a faint "Ichigo…wai-", but it was too late, I was already too far gone. Nothing could save me now. I had truly become my own worst enemy.

I strode down the long, sandy hallways with my hands shoved into my pocket. My eyes stayed down while I shoved past the few arrancar that I came across as I zigzagged through the numerous stone halls.

_What else could I do? This is my only option. Fuck! _

I was so frustrated with myself, this situation, and apparently the wall. Without realizing it I had punched a large indent into the wall… the stone wall.

**It's not so bad right? You get the girl in the end**

I gritted my teeth at my second half's words. It was painful to think that the only way to save Rukia was to destroy what she loved. After this I don't think I'd even be able to look her in the eye.

_The fucked up thing is… I don't even get that in the end _

My feet started moving again. I wasn't really headed anywhere, they just carried me. For one I was surprised I could even move, after all I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. It should have been too much to bear for one person… and yet, I carried the weight like a champ. Too much was at stake for me. Rukia was my first priority. She came before soul society, she was like family. It felt like she…just belonged with me.

I slammed into something hard, stammering backward a step, "Hey! Watch where you're going you-" The arrancar in front of me stopped talking then began going the opposite direction. "Oh, so sorry… Ichigo…sorry…" He bowed, with sweat dripping down his face, then departed…quickly. All that was left to see was a cloud of sand encircling me. I coughed at the dust then mugged deeply at the sand covering me.

"Just what I wanted." I kept walking resuming my position.

* * *

It was the day of the mission. I returned to my room last night to see Rukia passed out on the bed, gripping her zanpactou tightly in her arms. When I saw that my lips made a light smile, it was like a little kids teddy bear. She looked so innocent. I had watched her chest move up and down for several minutes, her breathing put me at ease. It reminded me why I was doing this. I snapped back to reality as a cold hand rested on my shoulder. Instinctually, I pulled away knowing that this hand belonged to someone who was about to tear my world apart.

"Let's just get this over with." I spat at Aizen refusing to look in his direction.

"that's no way to talk to the person keeping your little girlfriend alive. You should savior these last moments," Without even looking at him I could tell a grimace had danced across his face, "before you're marked as a traitor."

Traitor was such a heavy word. It lined my brain, consumed it whole. A traitor was someone who was sly and cruel. It was someone who was unloyal and harsh. Why was this person turning into me?

I stood up pushing my chair back in the process as I walked towards the door. "This is not a moment I want to savior." As I walked I swung zangetsu over my shoulder onto my back. "Let's go." The two other arrancar in the room chuckled while following in tow.

These two arrancar were named dark and light. Both names suited them well. Dark had midnight black hair and eyes, but uncharacteristically pale skin. He had a star and moon marking under his right eye set in a deep blue, his sash matching that color. Light on the other hand was his opposite. Blinding snow white hair layered his head and his eyes were just as white surrounding the black pupil. He had a blood red marking under his right eye of a sun; the sash was crimson as well. Both were twins.

"You heard the man Light, it's time to go kill us some shinigami." He chuckled again, but not for long. I slammed his body into the wall driving my fist into his stomach.

"You do not kill without a mean. And I will declare what's a good mean." I was stern in my proclamation leaving no room for any different interpretation. Dark scoffed at me, spitting out the blood in his mouth.

"Whatever you say boss." He scoffed pushing my hand away. The word 'boss' made my stomach do flips. I was the leader of this mission which meant that I was the one responsible for what was about to happen. But I had to think… Would it have been better if I was a simple pawn in this?

**A pawn! Never! **

_You're a retard if you haven't realized by now that that's what we'll always be… A pawn.

* * *

_

We reached the boarders of Rukongai district. The place was full of life much to my dismay.

"We await your orders… oh great commander." Light said sarcastically, bowing over in mock loyalty.

"Wait…just wait." Maybe I could wait until night fall when everyone went to bed. I could spare some souls if I did that right? I glanced around hoping there was a place to hide nearby. It was about noon at the moment. The sun shone brightly in the sky, beating down on us as if saying to back away; to leave this place before it was too late. Oh how I wanted to take the warm ray of light's advice, but nothing could stop what was about to come. I turned away from the town to look at my two men.

"For now all we can do is just-"

"Ichigo?" My heart stopped. That voice, it was the one voice I was scared of hearing. This moment… it was the very last second in time that I was to be known as just Ichigo. Now, I had ultimately become someone I could not bear to be… A traitor.

Slowly, my body turned as my hollow mask started to form across my face, "Renji…" I could see his look of realization and terror. It made his face distorted and awkward. Zangetsu began to unravel when I gripped the hilt in my hand. At this second though, I thought all that would be on my mind is what I'd be losing, sacrificing, murdering… but in reality all I could see was an image of a midget with raven black hair looking up at me pointing her sword at my chest.

_You saved my life Rukia… Now it's my turn. Let it all begin.

* * *

_

**A/N: Soooo, it'd be realllyyy greatly appreciate if I wasnt killed for waiting like..uhhh a year to update. I blame life! Anyways, I hope to get back into writing...You should all thank Theresa Crane for talking to me to come back... All of you should read her ichiruki stories they're great! -_Your NekoWriter_**_  
_


	6. The realization of Hatred

**Only If It's For You**

**_By: NekoWriter

* * *

_Chapter 6: The Realization Of Hatred**

_"The walls start breathing_  
_ My minds unweaving_  
_ Maybe it's best you leave me alone._  
_ A weight is lifted_  
_ On this evening_  
_ I give the final blow." (-The all American Rejects)

* * *

_

It was a stand off between Renji and me. Both of us stared at one another contemplating what to do. He held Zabimaru to the side in a non threatening position, which I did the same with Zangetsu. Wind swept sand and dirt across are soon to be battle field as if trying to escape before the brawl. Renji's eye twitched slightly, his hold on his zanpactou making his knuckles turn white.

"What's going on here Ichigo…?" He asked in a defensive, careful tone. I didn't answer him, to ashamed to speak. Instead, I turned my attention towards my teammates.

"Go." I said simply.

"And do what? You just said we were waiting…and now we're not? Make up your fucking mind." Dark spat at me looking annoyed, his foot tapping on the ground.

"Do some intel then…just…go!" It wasn't even a second after I had said 'go' that a dust cloud rose where the two were originally standing.

"So, you got some new friends Ichigo?" Renji sounded hurt, his eyes had shifted to the dirt in front of him.

"Not by choice. Renji fight me." Abruptly, I jumped at him with a warning thrust of my sword.

"Tell me what's going on first!" He yelled back at me dodging the swing.

"Fight me and I will!" In the beginning I hadn't really planned on telling him, or anyone for that matter what was going on. For Rukia's sake though someone had to understand the situation. If she was to ever be welcomed back with open arms It'll take everyone really hating me this time.

The battle began as Renji rushed towards me catching my blade with his. "So tell me what's going on now." He gritted his teeth, jumping back. It was my turn now. I picked up the pace clashing our blades together numerous times before talking.

"Rukia was captured by Aizen. I'm being forced to carry out his will." My tone was vengeful, but the words were shaky. Renji gasped for a moment before continuing on with our pattern of colliding.

"Ichigo… Soul society can help! We can save Rukia and you won't be forced to do this. You won't be marked a traitor! Don't be stupid about this!" I shoved him backwards trying to limit how loud he was talking, it was practically a shout!

**This guy is so oblivious… it's ridiculous! **All I could hear on the inside was echoing laughter bouncing off the walls of my head. I scoffed at my throbbing head.

"I can't Renji. It's too risky…and they put something in her…it's like a slow acting poison." It was even hard for me to say that out loud. I just didn't want to believe it.

"We'll get an antidote then!" Renji now sounded desperate. He slashed his sword in an upward motion nicking the top of my shoulder. In return I cut him across the thigh which made him stumble slightly.

"I can't take the risk of Rukia dying. I'm willing to become a traitor for her." There was a slight hint of pride in my voice, accenting the sorrow. Renji seemed to accept what I was trying to say. He nodded slightly leaving his defense open, I saw this as a wanted opening.

"What will you do now?" He said sternly staring me down. I shunpoed behind him, my sword at his throat.

"Protect her with all I have." In two swift movements I swung my zanpactou back and knocked him out with the help of the hilt. He dropped to the floor like a pile of rocks, Zabimaru clanging to the ground a few feet away.

At that moment I heard a large explosion and lots of screaming. All I could think was the image of Rukongai district being burnt down, it being left in a smoldering pile of ash. Within seconds I was at the sight of destruction. A house, not too big, was starting to break down, it's wood structure being weakened from the strong flames that rose within the house. Light came walking out of it dusting his hands off.

"Well that was unsatisfying." Light yawned in a bored tone to dark who was standing outside the house leaning against a post.

"Yeah, and look at all these scampering souls. They don't even look tasty." Dark faked a gag as he raised his right hand. Energy of some sort, black with hints of blue in color, formed in the palm of his hand until he finally released it as a beam of light or rather dark at a house several feet away.

A soul dropped to his feet in front of me tugging on the bottom of my robe. With his dying breath he got out, "Help…please… someone help us." His grip loosened, falling to the ground. My heart was about to drop. It was my job to protect these people and now I'm ruining any chance they had at peace.

"Both of you!… Make a commotion, burn stuff down, tell everyone to get out. But do not kill… under any circumstance." I yelled at the two brothers who shook their head with matching evil grins. "Make it fast… the shinigami will be here soon." Both flashed away, not even seconds later more explosions and screaming came.

"That's where you're wrong Kurosaki. The shinigami are already here." A cold, mono toned voice came from behind me as I saw pink flower peddles flutter down from above me. I prepared myself to move instantly in case danger were to suddenly befall myself.

"You got here fast Byakuya." My acting skills would now be tested to the max. I put a grin on turning around to face Rukia's brother. Zangetsu was swung over my shoulder as I looked at him nonchalantly.

"I came to apprehend the person whose been tainting soul society." His expression was set in stone, it never changed.

**Does this guy even blink?**

_I was actually starting to wonder that myself._

"Don't forget the guy who's holding your sister hostage." It wasn't really a lie. After all it was my fault that Rukia was bound to a place so horrible as where she was at the moment. Yet again no expression change… wait… no I got a twitch.

"I will see to it kurosaki Ichigo that you be brought to justice." The flower peddles surrounded me in an instant. It took all the speed I had to dodge his attacks. We weaved in and out of the houses, he was doing my job more than I was. Everywhere his flower peddles touched left devastation. We stopped for a brief moment in an open clearing in the middle of the district.

"running out of steam already byakuya?" I wanted him to hate me…no I needed him to hate me. It was all for Rukia's sake. They needed to think I was the bad guy and Rukia was just my poor hostage.

He raised his right hand looking intently at me. I could see in his eyes the look of disgust. My position tightened as I readied for battle. He was just about to move when he swiftly turned to his right, making a shield for himself with flower peddles. Light had his blade up against the shield trying to break through.

"You think I wouldn't sense the likes of you?" Byakuya's eyes suddenly opened wide as he fell to his side. Light's lips curved upwards as the flower peddles dropped to the ground following their master. Dark stood up from his squatting position next to the captain with the same expression. Byakuya looked up at the twins.

"How?" He said in a low voice, spitting out blood.

"Secret." Dark teased putting a finger over his lips. Byakuya at this point passed out.

"We have the same reiatsu signature." Light explained while sheathing his sword. He could obviously see my question matched Byakuya's.

"As long as my brother was around there was no way to trace that there was actually two of us." Dark furthered the explanation while walking towards me. "If you'd do the honors we could get back." He gestured towards the town filled with smoke and debris.

I sighed long and hard, pointing Zangetsu straight up in the air. "So this is it. This is how it all begins." I swung downwards with a ray of light, destroying what lay in front of me.

* * *

"Mission completed" I had regretfully told Aizen upon our return to the base. After that I had returned to the room where Rukia had been.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say when I saw her face. The pain written in her eyes was completely unbearable. She said not a word to me. Every time I tried to approach her she shoved the tip of her zanpactou at me, so I sat on the floor. The two of us, in silence just staring at one another.

"I hate you Ichigo." Her words were like blades ripping through my body.

* * *

**A/N: I needed to finish this before i moved on. I would have forgot everything in my mind and id be drawing a blank again! I'm glad i'm writing again... I really needed it...it's a great way to relieve stress and to stop thinking about everything. It's like you can focus everything on just this and you don't need to think about anything or anyone else-Your NekoWriter**


	7. Madness shall ensue

**Only If It's For You**

**_By: NekoWriter_**

* * *

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark. -Death Cab for Cutie_

* * *

**A/N: Before anyone does anything, I suggest rereading this fanfic because it has been A LONG time.**

"Lieutenant tell the captains what you witnessed." Yamamoto stated in a monotone voice. I knelt down in a symbol of respect.

"Ichigo Kurosaki attacked Rukongai, destroying the entire district with the assistance of two arrancar, identified by their appearance. But sir, I don't think…" Yamamoto stopped me.

"As Lieutenant Abarai just stated this meeting is in fact on Ichigo Kurosaki and his new status…as a traitor. We also have intelligence that Rukia Kuchiki is being held captive in Hueco Mundo by said person. We have devised a plan and starting today we shall implement it." The room grew more sullen with a deeper sense of pain. No one wanted to hear this. No wanted to believe this betrayal.

"But sir!"

Captain Kuchiki, intervened before Renji could interject, "Ichigo Kurosaki told me himself his ill wishes towards soul society. There will be no leniency for him no matter what he's done for us." Several heads nodded in approval while others held still in shock. Renji grew confused, "_He must want to keep what he told me a secret…but why_?" He thought to himself.

After the short debate in his head Renji's confusion lifted_:" Ichigo made an enemy of my captain, which in return put him on soul society's radar. He wanted Rukia to have a fighting chance of getting out of this unscathed. Many higher positioned shinigami wouldn't understand why she allowed herself stay in Hueco Mundo no matter what the circumstance. They would rather her kill herself if she didn't make an effort to kill as many enemies as she could, including Ichigo. Ichigo was doing the only sensible thing and by succeeding he will insure her life here even at the expense of his own. He knew he wasn't getting out of this one alive. He would lose everything in return for Rukia's life._" He tightened his grip into fists.

"This man," the doors swung open to reveal Isshin Kurosaki, "ex captain and also father of Ichigo Kurosaki has volunteered his services to bring down this menace. He will dispose of the traitor." Yamamoto stated as Isshin stiffly walked into the room.

"This is a horrible plan. His son is the traitor! Why would we trust him to deliver Ichigo to us?" Toushirou questioned Yamamoto's motives in a harsh yell as well as most other captains.

"He may be my son, but I will not see him succumb to Aizen and the espada. I will save him from that, even if by death." Isshin took a deep breath, never once loosening his grip by his sides. Toushirou seemed content with the answer he received. An uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"This is what we have decided there will be no argument." Yamamoto concluded. As if on cue all the captains filed out of the room knowing that the meeting was over for now. They needed time to digest the information and plan accordingly. Renji stayed in the room with Isshin wanting to further question his actions.

"How could you hunt your own son?" He yelled; rage filling his voice. Isshin silenced him with the pained look etched into his face.

"I'm doing this for his sake. Soul Society is set on bringing him to justice, no matter the circumstance. I know my son, and at the same time I also understand what he's capable of. He could bring great destruction. However, I realize that Rukia is the underlying reason why Ichigo is there." He maneuvered his body into a sitting position on the floor waving his hand for me to come join.

"I still don't understand…" I joined him on the floor, intently expecting the end of his explanation.

"If I go after him I'll be able to give him his chance to explain himself. I can help save him. …But then again maybe not. What I do know is that I will give him a fighting chance; a chance that no one else will grant him."

We sat in a sullen silence that lasted hours, unsure of whether it was deployed by Rukia's hatred towards me or our combine thoughts on our situation. How could I destroy Rukongai district? I was becoming an enemy to both soul society and myself. I glanced around the dusty, dirt caked room trying to find something… anything to distract my mind. If I thought about my treachery any longer I'd break. After concluding that nothing would ease the pain in this room, I pulled myself up and paced out the door.

I couldn't bear the thought of hurting Rukia. Even though I kept telling myself I was doing this to save her, I wasn't sure if mentally I was doing her any favors.

"Fuck." I spat, punching in the concrete wall in the hall. It crumbled leaving a pile of rubble littering the floor.

"Having a rough day partner?" The arrancar pair I had the displeasure of working with earlier today strutted down the hall in my general direction. Both Light and Dark had grins plastered across their faces.

"Don't confuse me with the likes of you. I am not here because I enjoy it. Once I find a way to free Rukia I will have no problem tearing you all apart piece by piece." I retorted with a menacing undertone. I pushed my way past them unwilling to continue our conversation.

"Don't be like that Ichi, it's not all bad." Light sighed lacing his arm over my shoulder. In a fraction of a second I threw him over my head into and through a portion of concrete. Dark didn't like this. He jabbed at me with his right fist making contact with my side; the impact putting my body through another part of the wall.

"Barely even hurt." I stated with a cocky grin as I pulled myself up with help from the support of the large pieces of broken concrete. Both Light and Dark stood side by side with a menacing aura radiating off them. They both flashed to my side throwing identical jabs on both sides of my body. My body cringed in pain as I attempting to dodge the blows. They were good; I grinned. Finally, I had something to release my frustration out on. I could feel my body leaking reiatsu as the fight grew longer and the blows came more rapidly and harder. Suddenly I had a revelation; the twins had grown a playful demeanor, not a murderous one.

_Are they fighting me for real or are they just playing with me?_

I couldn't help but notice the grins that they let slip after a particularly skillful attack on either my side or theirs. This fight was for fun. And upon realizing this I stopped in horror mid punch. A fist from Light flew across my cheek bone causing me to stumble back a few steps.

"What's wrong? We were just getting started." Light joked with his hands up in the air readying himself for round two.

Without uttering a word I turned, striding back down the hallway leaving a confused, but content arrancar pair behind. I didn't want to admit it, but I enjoyed the fight as well.

_They were helping me…?_

I just couldn't grasp the concept of any being formed from a hollow possessing empathy. Rukia and I needed to get out of this place. The arrancar aren't attacking; they're playing with us. I couldn't withstand being around them; treating them like they're civil beings. The hallway grew short, running out of twists and turns for me to take. Eventually I discovered that the hallway circles around toward my room no matter where you went. I sighed looking at the dirty, stain covered door that lead to Rukia.

_I can't do this._

I ran a hand through my hair taking a deep breath. Things weren't going to get increasingly better with Rukia if I just left everything as they were. She hated me. I understood this and accepted it. "Rukia…" I squeaked sliding the door open to reveal an empty room. Panic mode hit me fast and hard. I spun on my heels and ran down the hall at record speeds. All my senses went on high alert. She was in a fragile state, I couldn't leave her alone with the enemy; she wasn't rational. Suddenly, I picked up on the sound of faint yells and feet shuffling. A crowd had formed around a small opening in the building.

_Please… Please don't be in the middle of this._

I shoved my way through, jamming arrancar into others throughout crowd. My worst fears were confirmed once I reached the opening. Rukia stood there, zanpactou in hand, piercing an arrancar through the stomach; blood dripping down the blade. The crowd was becoming blood thirsty; weapons in hand. I did the only thing I could think of: I stepped in front of her giving the arrancar the obstacle of going through me before her. I was going to protect her.

_**And what did you expect to happen if you left her alone?**_

* * *

_**A/N: **_**Okay everyone, so I'm back and ready to start writing again after *cough* 4 years. So I plan on getting most of this story out within the next few months. I have a lot planned for it and I'm excited to write it! :D **


	8. Acceptance of Fate

**Only If It's for You**

_**NekoWriter**_

* * *

_"You tell me to hold on  
Oh you tell me to hold on  
But innocence is gone  
And what was right is wrong" -Imagine Dragons_

* * *

I glared at all the furious arrancar shuffling closer as their need to satisfy their craving for blood grew. My grip tightened on the hilt of Zangetsu readying to attack the first wave. "You think you can just come here and start slaughtering our kind!?" A mad shout came from the back of the crowd.

"I'm sure there's a good explanation for all of this, right Rukia?" I nudged her in the side with my elbow. Nothing happened. She looked straight on at the arrancar half dead sliding off her zanpactou. Her face held home to a blank stare with emotionless eyes. I knew that there was no "good explanation" for what she had done. Being here made her crazy. After all, she was born and raised a Shinigami. She was taught from the very start not to just fear and fight these creatures, but to hate them with all her being.

An arrancar I had never seen before with bright blue hair stepped through the crowd, "I saw the whole thing! Without a word she just stabbed him! We've been putting up with your presence here, but not for much longer. We will not live in fear in our own home." He stepped back folding his arms across his chest. His eyes were fierce and unwavering. I knew the crime Rukia committed will have consequences; I only hoped that I could prolong them as long as possible. A crime? Did I really think that what she did was a criminal offense? The arrancar dead, I glanced over at the dying man whose body slid to the floor with a loud thud, almost dead was our enemy still. Why was I seeing this as a bad occurrence?

"I will make sure this doesn't happen again. This was my mistake." I gritted my teeth, hating to seem inferior within the company I was keeping. The arrancar seemed to back off slightly. Did they really trust me? I grabbed Rukia by the shoulder trying to escort her away from the crowd, but she shoved me away with the same blank stare on her face. We didn't have time to wait around. I gripped around her waist with my arm and shunpoed away before the stroke of kindness we were given faded. Finally, after struggling to get free I dropped her in front of our room. She stood up, dusted herself off then furiously stormed into the room slamming the door behind her.

"What's gotten into you Rukia?" I yelled, reopening the door, then slamming it yet again behind me.

"What's gotten into me? What's gotten into you!?" She retorted, glaring at me with intense eyes filled with anger. "These people are the enemy! I did what I was trained to do! I'm not living their lifestyle or learning their ways. If Aizen wants us here so badly I will make sure to return the favor and kill as many of his pawns as I can. That is my duty as a shinigami! Where is your sense of loyalty?" This was better at least. I understood now why she was so upset, but mostly I just couldn't bear those empty emotionless eyes.

I pushed her into a sitting position on the bed. She reluctantly obliged my request to listen.

I stared straight into her eyes while speaking in an even toned voice, "My loyalty is to you Rukia, not soul society. I will protect you no matter the consequence." She turned away slightly flushed. I knelt down to her eye level, "I'm going to save you like I did all those years ago. We made it through that and we will make it through this. I just need you to be patient. You don't have to like it that you're here, but be civil. You can't run your zanpactou through everyone you see." She still looked upset. Of course, she would still be mad, but I hoped what I said stuck because I didn't think we'd be able to make it through a second encounter like that.

"Ichigo you don't have to-"A knock sounded at the door stopping Rukia's sentence short. I opened the door to reveal the one and only Aizen. My eyes went wide in disgust and a tint of fear.

"What do you want?" I said in low voice blocking the entrance to the room with my entire body.

"I heard there was a problem earlier." He had an "all knowing" expression on his face accompanied by a smile. "I just need to make sure it was taken care of." He looked past my shoulder straight at Rukia with a grin before redirecting his attention to me. "You will make sure this doesn't happen again, won't you?" I glared at him with a half snarl. "Good, then this is all settled. I wouldn't want something awful to happen." Aizen turned to walk away.

"Is that a threat?" I growled back at him following him out into the hallway.

He leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Of course, don't you ever forget that I hold the power here Ichigo." With that he walked away into the darkness of the hall. My first thought would be to stab with Zangetsu until he gasped his last breaths, but I knew the chances of success were minimal. I let myself back into the room; Rukia was lying down on the bed staring at the white mold spotted ceiling.

"I can't change your mind about this?" Rukia asked with her gaze still fixated above her.

"No way." I responded taking a seat at the end of the bed. There was a moment of silence before Rukia began to talk again.

"Did you really destroy Rukongai district?" Her eyes seemed glossy for a fraction of a moment before returning to normal.

"Yes. I got as many people out beforehand as I could." I sighed leaning back against the wall.

"I see." She stated in a low voice, turning over on her side

"Told your brother I kidnapped you." I looked away.

She sprung up, "you told him what? Why?!"

"I don't want soul society to have any reason to alienate you. You will go back there one day… without me and I won't…be able to save you from them." I looked back at her.

"Without you…Ichigo…you're not planning to…" She pondered her thoughts. "Ichigo no! I'm not letting you sacrifice yourself for me! You were never planning on coming out of this alive…" She shook me by the shoulder trying to get a response.

"What do you want me to say!" I shook her off, "You're right! I don't see a way out for me. I'm branded a traitor already! If this place doesn't kill me, soul society will. I'm okay with that Rukia as long as you make it out alive." I didn't have to yell, but it was the only way to get through to her. I needed her to understand why I was doing all of this. The sight of her face was too much for me to bear. She looked hurt, confused, angry, and sad all at the same time.

"We can't go back now can we?" She whispered more to herself than me, "Everything has already been set in motion."

"Yeah…"

The door flew open displaying a pleased Grimmjow. "Thanks." He gestured towards Rukia.

"I don't have the patience to deal with your bullshit today." I sighed standing up to face him.

"But I was being sincere," he laughed grabbing random objects out of the few drawers in the room. "That asshole she killed left a vacant room opening. Now I don't have to share this hell hole with you two." As quickly as he came he left, slamming the door behind him.

"That was convenient." I laughed slightly trying to lighten the mood.

"very." Rukia replied. She turned over pulling the blankets over her small figure. I assumed that meant it was time for me to shut up and go to sleep. The question was though, could I sleep?

That night I tossed and turned, visions of the past repeating over and over in my head. I dreamt of my sisters and our brief conversations at breakfast and dinner; my dad attempting to headlock me for being late. All their faces kept jolting me awake hour after hour. I sat up in the bed adjacent to Rukia's. Watching her chest rise up and down I let out a light hearted sigh.

_She's alive. That's all that matters._

I slipped soundlessly out of the room for a walk. The best thing for me was fresh air. I needed to breathe, something I hadn't done since I was trapped here. The skies of Hueco Mundo were dark red, unlike the bright red of the daytime. The sand was endless; it created waves of sand dunes across the horizon. Small lizard like hollows slithered around on top the sand creating zigzag patterns that blew away seconds later. Those lines felt like my life. Every time I conquered some enemy or made progress in a mission my efforts were washed away minutes later overcome by some stronger, more invincible force. I sat on the sand drawing a line with the tip of Zangetsu.

I looked out at the vast landscape trying to create a paradise in my mind. A paradise was out of my reach, but what I did see what perplexing: a black dot weaving and bobbing up and down in the distance. I squinted as the small foreign object got closer. It was a… butterfly? A black butterfly with delicate lines of pink running up both sides of the wings to be more exact was heading in my direction. It landed on my knee.

A familiar sounding voice echoed through my head. It was my dad's.

* * *

**See! I told you it'd be quick! But it might not be as quick next time without reviews You all know who you are. **


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